photo by Sandra Dodd
Wednesday, November 1, 2023
Different in the dark
photo by Sandra Dodd
Tuesday, September 12, 2023
Natural forces
When unschooling is working well, questions, conversations, jokes or songs bring powerful thoughts and profound changes.
With the right set-up everyday life can create power.
photo by Shawn Smythe Haunschild
Saturday, August 5, 2023
"Chair-o-planes"
Help children live playful lives by being a playful adult. Play with words, and ideas; play with shape, form, and color. Let children see you smile.
SandraDodd.com/playing
photo by Sandra Dodd
Tuesday, July 11, 2023
Toys and tools
Tractors can be that, or combines, or just the truck to pull other tools, plows, trailers.
If a child, or an adult, can get excited about a piece of equipment, try to take time to watch those machines in action, if you get a chance. Not too close; from a safe distance, or from inside your car, if you can. When you're out, find people digging, building, repairing—replacing signs with a crane, or going up in a cherry-picker to change streetlight bulbs—do it for your kids or for yourself.
photo by Holly Dodd
Thursday, July 6, 2023
Options over rules
So here I have kids who can sleep as long as they want, who set their alarms and get up; who have all kinds of clothes and no rules, who dress well and appropriately to the situation; who don't have to come home but they DO come home.
Something important is happening.
photo by Karen James
Saturday, July 1, 2023
Stepping away from rules
To a question about how to move from rules to principles and choices:
Gradually, without fanfare, be more positive and more supportive of her desires and requests.
Here is an antidote to your no-speed-limits fear. It's called "The Beautiful Park" by Robyn Coburn. It's about people getting off bicycles to walk. I think it could replace your fearful background with something gentle and peaceful.
Read about why, and what others have seen.
Try it a little.
Don't expect her not to think you're crazy at first; wait a while.
Watch her reaction. Feel your own thoughts. Lay your fears out to dry in the air and sunshine.
photo by Cally Brown
Saturday, March 18, 2023
Using tools
Marty says he thinks maybe elephants will pick up a stick to knock something down that's higher than their trunks. If they haven't, they should.
So what, these days, are "tools"? My computer? Google? Wikipedia? Blogger.com? My new glasses? That electric teakettle I'm about to go and heat water with?
We talk about parenting tools, and people adding to their toolboxes, and those are all in the realm of thought (and action proceeding from thought, but without physical tools).
Little Tools for an Epic Life
photo by Amy Milstein
Tuesday, March 7, 2023
Passing real tests
Sandra Dodd, of Holly Dodd (Holly was 12 and told an older story, in 2003):
My husband's oldest brother came to visit and she and Marty discussed how to deal with his quizzy questions, usually math. She told me a story from when she was littler, maybe eight. Uncle Gerry had been here, and Holly was brushing her teeth. He stood watching her, and started in about how important it is to brush teeth and floss, because (as Holly reported, he said in a teacherly voice) "Do you know how many sets of teeth you have in this lifetime?"Update in 2021, Holly 29 years old, and Gerry having recently been in town when Holly was here, too. Holly was very helpful to her uncle, driving him to an auto parts store and helping him figure out what his plan might be to get back to Alamogordo, if his car couldn't be fixed easily. She's nearly 30 now, and he's in his mid-70s. After she left, he went on for a while about how helpful and good-hearted and wonderful she is. I appreciated hearing it, and passed it on to her later.Holly said, "Two?" (in a kind of "is this a trick question" tone) and she said he was already holding up his index finger as the "one" of the coming "right answer," and he added another finger and sheepishly said, "That's right. Two."
So Holly won a big point and never even told us about it at the time. Cool story. I don't think he quizzed them this time. It's getting to the point that they're likely to know something he doesn't know and he likes to maintain his semblance of superiority. LOL!
original (2/3 down that topic)
photo by Irene Adams (Holly's aunt; my sister)
Holly was seven in this photo, with more of her first set of teeth, casually preparing for Uncle Gerry's quiz-to-come the next year.
Monday, February 27, 2023
Relative sizes
If you feel that you're turning your back on your entire culture, take a deep breath and note that when you turn your back on school, all that's behind you is a school. What's not school is infinite. What is school is small.
photo by Roya Dedeaux
quote is from page 16, Big Book of Unschooling
Sunday, February 26, 2023
Light shows
There are other lights that can catch your eye, though. Candles, lamps and lanterns, maybe. Your home might have electric fixtures you especially like.
Sometimes we think of the light in someone's eyes, or their lightness of being. Some people live lightly, with springy steps and easy smiles.
When you have light inside you, others can see it.
photo by Cathy Koetsier
Friday, February 17, 2023
Rich, full lives
It's helpful to keep in mind that one of the big things grandparents want is a sense of connection with their grandchildren. When kids aren't in school, that can feel awkward - what the heck do you say to a child other than "what are you doing in school?" Especially if you only see him twice a year? It can leave extended family members stymied. So it helps a whoooole lot to feed them useful information and conversation starters in the form of something grandparents usually like anyway - pictures and stories of their grandkids. Keeping a blog or sending regular notes (via facebook or plain old snail mail) goes a long way in that regard. And! they get to see their beloved grandchildren happy and adventurous, which can help to reassure them on that score.
Unschooling can come across as some kind of weird cult if you try to explain it from a theoretical side first. Start with happy kids living rich, full lives and school starts to seem less of an issue.
photo by Cátia Maciel
Wednesday, February 8, 2023
It's about learning.
photo by Nina Haley
Sunday, February 5, 2023
Accept temporary changes
Try to model for your children an acceptance of change, and an appreciation of the days when things are calm and simple. Model being more careful when such factors as humidity, temperature or temperament come into play.
photo by Vlad Gurdiga
Sunday, January 15, 2023
Keep your world warm
You're either building your relationship or you're eroding it.
Every laugh at his expense, every promise you can't keep... erosion. Getting cold, not getting warm.
SandraDodd.com/gettingwarm
photo by Karen James
Wednesday, December 14, 2022
Compassion, for a minute
Looking for a quote for this post, I found something 11 years old. Part of it was this:
Each day for a year, could you add one minute to the time you spend with a child? Any child. One extra minute. If you can infuse that moment with love or compassion, bonus!
I suppose that would be a minute you could be doing something else, but I doubt it would be something better.
photo by Sarah S.
Monday, August 8, 2022
Stand strong, gently
Whatever you decide to say, be kind to them. Don’t criticize, belittle or shame them for making different decisions or living differently than you do. Give them the respect that you wish they’d give to you.
Something that might help in any case is to explain that –
- Periodically we evaluate how things are going.
- Nothing is written in stone.
- For now, this works for us.
- We’ll see how things go.
from a presentation on politely withstanding and deflecting criticism
photo by Sandra Dodd
Tuesday, May 17, 2022
Clearly and plainly honest
A child who can't trust his parents, not because of any malicious intent on the part of his parents, but because of repeated false information, is at risk of not seeking help from his parents when he really needs it. Who will he turn to? It might be someone who does not have his best interests at heart.
Truth is a sensitive thing and a parent's fear might prevent her from thinking and being clearly and plainly honest.
photo by Kirby Dodd
Thursday, March 3, 2022
Service and abundance
photo by Cathy Koetsier
Yesterday's link to SandraDodd.com/abundance didn't work, but it's fixed now, and is related to today's quote, too.
Tuesday, February 22, 2022
Being present with kids
They won't be three forever! Their understanding and needs will grow and change as they get older.
Conventional parenting is not about being present with kids. It's about giving kids rules as a replacement for being there. Same can go for information. Information shouldn't be a substitute for being there and being aware. We should let kids know that cars can hurt them, which is why we steer them clear of the street. But we shouldn't then depend on kids understanding. We need to be there. We need to be aware of our child's tendencies to run to the street when in that type of situation. We need to avoid as much as we can places where they can run into the street until they can understand.
photo by Sandra Dodd
Friday, January 28, 2022
Fear doesn't have a stick
I responded:
Fear doesn't hit you with a stick in a dark alley.An additional problem, though, is that it also treats "fear" as something outside herself, that comes toward her and assaults her when she least expects it.
Don't use the word "assaults."
It's too dramatic and it makes you a victim.
Maybe ALL the negative words are doing that—personifying, or anthropomorphizing, an emotion as an external enemy. So some would say "it's just semantics," but it's a map of one's emotions that ranges outside the body and builds bad guys, I'm thinking.
photo by Ester Siroky